Hard Decisions 2
by Leyyty
Summary: A sequel to Hard Decisions.
1. Chapter 1

It was over. It was really, really, over.

Checking once more the stitches, TJ nodded weakly to the silent, deadly pale Chloe and half-blindly stumbled to the door. Once out, she collapsed against the door, dry, near hysterical sobs heaving her body.

Young tore himself away from the door and made it out of the infirmary. Passing TJ, he tried, tried so very hard to stop by, touch her, tell her she had been great.

But the dazedness that had seized on him ever since the surgery began, wouldn`t loosen up, wouldn`t let him speak, hardly let him breath.

* * *

Rush`s control had snapped after about 30 seconds of the operation. Scott collapsed almost immediately, and then it was Young with Greer that had to practically fight the strapped down man, to keep him safe.

He lost consciousness about three minutes into the operation and never regained it to the end.

Those three minutes - Young had been reliving them ever since.

And he knew that so would Rush.

And he needed a drink.

He needed it badly.

He tried not to think about what Rush was currently needing. Probably, nothing.

* * *

An hour later he discovered himself in the infirmary. TJ ( composed and calm once more) briefly glanced at him.

" How …."

" He `s gone into shock" she said tonelessly. " There is not much I can do to help him."

Young nodded.

"He has made it once, " he said heavily.

"He has."

They both kept silent after this.

Until there came a barely discernible moan from the bed.

Hastily TJ leaned over Rush.

" Hey," she whispered.

His eyes widened slightly, focusing, then his right hand moved slowly towards his chest, in what, Young realized with a pang, was a feeble attempt to shield himself from further pain. He relaxed in a minute, drifting away to unconsciousness once more.

TJ tensed, and Young knew she had read Rush`s gesture as clearly as he did.

Young forced himself to move to the door and out. Reaching his own quarters, he opened the door, stepped inside and, seating himself on the bed, put his face in his hands.

He would never tell Rush how sorry he was.


	2. Chapter 2

TJ finished checking over and, leaning back, looked detachedly, no longer professionally, at Rush`s still screwed with pain, ashen pale face.

She tried to believe that the worst was over. And so it was.

Now how to forget that which was now over….

* * *

Just before the surgery she had approached Rush. She didn`t know what to say to him, did not know how to stifle away the feeling that she was – they all were - betraying him. And yet she couldn`t help it.

"Dr. Rush" she called him softly. He still kept his left hand wrapped around his breast ( and the futilely protective gesture gave her a pang), and his right was tightly cupping his mouth and chin. She heard the shallow, quick breathes, saw the uncontrollable shuddering of his body. " I… know. And…I wish… I wish it was different…. we all do." She added desperately, trying to win through to him, to reach him, not to let him utterly down.

He gave a small, hardly noticeable, nervous nod, another one. Then, briefly, just for a second, he glanced up at her. TJ`s heart gave a twist at his eyes - and quickly she lowered hers, realizing, that, if she kept the eye- contact a second later, he would, probably, break-down.

And she wished to spare him that. At least - that.

* * *

TJ started as Young called her from behind.

" Sir?"

Young glanced at Rush and, realizing the mute question, she moved away from the bed. Rush stirred and, his eyes still closed, brought out " Colonel Young?"

Young stiffened. Heard TJ softly leave the room.

"Yes."

His thoughts were in a mess, he hardly knew- as was the usual case where Rush was concerned - were he stood with the man.

Rush opened his eyes, evidently tried hard to focus on Young.

"The aliens…are we... clear of them?"

" Yes. Yes, we broke free just before entering the FTL".

Rush nodded with his eyes and slightly moved his head. Immediately an expression of pain crossed his face, but, barely a second later, he schooled his features back into calm indifference, though ( it was heart-wrenchingly evident), with poor success.

Something at this sight broke loose in Young.

"Rush…", he no longer remembered deciding never to speak these words, no longer realized that, probably, right now they would be of no avail, or, rather, would do more harm than good, they just stumbled out. " Rush, I am sorry….I am."

Rush tiredly closed his eyes, answering in a level, calm tone, punctuated with brief pauses of pain. " No, you aren`t. Why should you be? You were …not sorry after leaving me on that… planet, and, really," he gave a dry, almost inaudible chuckle, " dying there would have been a much greater hardship than, " his right hand moved slightly towards the operation area on his chest, " than all this."

He paused, and , opening his eyes, quizzically lifted his eyebrows. " Or did you mean…. that I am no longer… merely a lot of work, but ...of no essential use as well?"

"Rush!" Young burst out, spontaneously and earnestly.

Rush stared at him for a moment longer. his eyes getting colder and colder, and, finally, his lips half trembled, half- moved in the weak copy of his usual sarcastic smile.

" Touched, I am. Good day, Colonel"

Young paused, but Rush was keeping his eyes at him - cold, shutting everything in him up.

Young nodded and silently left.


End file.
